91 Epic Sauce Friend Quotes (Massively Dominated by Jon)

January 14, 2011 (Clue, and Random Other Good Stuff at Heather’s) Huddle=Hug+Cuddle. Football just got a lot less manly.
“Blasphemous son of a turtle!” –Jon

January 21, 2011 (That time we migrated to a Timp marching band party)
“You should sit on his lap; then he’d get really excited.” –Franklin
Jacob: What do you get when you squeeze a mosque?
Jon: Um...Muslims?
Jacob: Oh wait, never mind.
“I mean how many Jews are there in the world? Not that many anymore.” –Jon

February 21, 2011 (Aaron’s Coconut Cups)
“I don’t wanna get hurt.” –Franklin
“Yes, slap Franklin.” –Mama Armstrong
“How are you gonna kiss a bowl with no lips?” –Aaron
Mama Armstrong: What do licorice and goldfish have in common?
Aaron: Fiber!
Heather: You just broke your coconuts!
Aaron: Yeah, that’s how buff I am.

April 8, 2011 (Day of the Peanut Butter)
“We’re not having drugs or alcohol, can’t you stay longer?” –Mama Armstrong
“That was invasive. I just got a pinky shoved down my ear, it was the weirdest thing ever.” –Jake
“Does your tongue itch?” –Heather
“He’s coming! Get the peanut butter!” –Heather

April 23, 2011
Mama Armstrong: Now Jon and Mike have to kiss and make up.
Jon: I’m not kissing Mike. Or making up with him.
“Misty, I may just punt you if you’re not quiet.” –Mike

May 27, 2011 (Last Friday Party of the School Year)
“We got naked at the gas station...We got some odd looks.” –Jon
“Stop playing the tongue game!” -Mama Armstrong
“Who would I be giving more tongue to?” –Jon
Jake: ...And then I got baptized by this guy.
Jon: Any time. I will save your immortal soul anytime.
“I have a password...I mean address.” –Jon
“It’s only a ten foot drop. On my hip...” –Jon
“Yeah, you’re hot because you’re fat and hairy.” –Mama Armstrong
“She knows everything! She has spies!” –Aaron (Mentioning Mama Armstrong)
“‘What’s that little bump sticking out of your pocket?’ ‘It’s my lens.’” –Aaron.
“I don’t need taste buds to be a musician!” –Aaron
“I am a gorgeous man.” –Aaron
Heather: I knew there was a reason we kept you around.
Aaron: And it’s not just because I’m so hot.
“The picture is horrible. He looks like a forty-year-old chain smoking sailor.” –Aaron
“That’s like, an eternal commitment.” –Aaron
(Mocking Brandi) “You’ve always loved the van more than me!” –Aaron
Franklin: I’m not worried about falling over...I’m worried about falling asleep.
Mama Armstrong: That’s kind of a chain reaction...

May 31, 2011 (My Birthday-Heather’s House)
“And Seminary is released time. So it’s like freedom! Only not...” –Jon
“It’s made from cow juice.” –Jon
Heather: You’ve got ice cream on your head.
Jon: You’ve got hair on your head.
“You took Spanish? Oh yeah...it makes sense.” Angél To Jake)
“Six plus three equals eight! Oh wait...” –Heather
“Retarded puppies would be fun!” –Jake
Jon: And since Heather’s asleep we should ransack her room and take embarrassing pictures of her.
Jake: Okay!
Jon: You would!
“Remember when we were talking about fighting a cat on the windshield?” –Jake
“None of the dark ones have freckles...except Morgan Freeman.” –Mama Armstrong
“How come Aaron isn’t on my couch!?” –Mama Armstrong
“Why’s the tongue game spread all over?” –Mama Armstrong
“When we were at Albertsons and you were frolicking through the fruits and vegetables.” –Mama Armstrong
“I just love my steak knives! Sometimes I use them to butter my bread!” –Mama Armstrong
Angél: Mom! Jake’s doing drugs!
Jake: Well, it depends on the day.
Jake: Just look at your mom!
Franklin: Have you ever met my mom?
Jake: No...

June 3, 2011 (My House)
“‘How’d you die?’ ‘I was trying to eat marshmallows.’” –Jon
“Well Will, if you throw anything fast enough it will kill you.” –Jon
“It’s better than Mr. Fossat. He’s like, ‘smell my bowling ball!’” –Jon
“I choose you Jake-a-choo!” –Jon
“GASP! I’m the Green Lantern!” –Jon
“Cassie, your stereo looks like a baby hamster.” –Jon
“Will, your water broke!...Baby!” –Jon
“Did you just throw a ball at my pit?” –Jon
“Jake, why aren’t you a girl?” –Jon
Jon: Girls are sniffing his jacket, that’s how much they love him.
Heather: No...I think that was you.”
“I was trying to get the milk but there was an evil box in the way.” –Jon
“It’s like Where’s Waldo, only it’s Where’s Jon.” –Jon

June 22, 2011 (Breakfast at Heather’s)
“Do you guys realize there are two guys and two girls locked in a dark bathroom right now?” –Jon

June 25, 2011 (Caitlyn’s Bacon Party)
“You need more than duct tape; you need a man.” –Jon
“Jon, would you be the doctor of my children?” –Heather
“Get a shirt, you hippie! And some real shorts!” –Jon
“Guys, now the short people can reach.” –Jon
Jon: If you were bigger, you’d be taller.
Caitlyn: No, she’d just be fatter...

July 16, 2011 (Jon’s House)
Beth: Do you know where Jared and Briana went?
Jon: Ooh...They better not be in my garage!

July 22, 2011 (Campfire in Heather’s Backyard)
“Well if you close your mouth around it quick enough...oh wait...there’s a hot stick.” –Jake
“You want some [chocolate] too? You won’t be tired anymore.” –Franklin (Crazed voice)

July 30, 2011 (Will’s House)
“You know how you gut a fish? Well, the guy down the street...he has nothing to do with how I got here...” –Jon
“That sounds delicious, Charlie.” –Zach Harmer (Falsetto voice)
“Ha ha ha, that’s not funny.” –Jon
“My heart burns for you like 1,000 Betos burritos.” –Will
“It’s cuz he’s pretty...wait, did I just say that out loud?” –Will
“This is like Beowulf meets The Smurfs.” –Jon
“I feel like a man because I have a big nose.” –Jon

August 18, 2011 (Heather’s Birthday)
“Now you need to unwrap Mike.” –Mama Armstrong
“Mike’s strong. I would know. He held me in his arms.” –Jon
Jon: Servant boy, get all the girls cake.
Mike: Here you go, Jon.
“Oh, hello. Oh wait, you’re a man!” –Jon
Mama Armstrong: Heather, can I have your lamp?
Aaron: Can I have your spa set?
Heather: Will, put your cards on the pile.
Will: It’s too far.
Heather: You need the exercise.

October 28, 2011 (Watching Captain America)
Heather: He looks like Aaron. (Captain America, pre-buffness)
Mama Armstrong: I’m glad Aaron wasn’t here to hear that.
“I want that purse.” –Gines

December 20, 2011 (Christmas Party at Heather’s)
“I baptize you! Congratulations, you’re now a Methodist.” –Jon
“What were you guys doing back there?” –Mama Armstrong
“The parsley flakes taste like peppermint!” –Beth
“They’re furry! And child sized!” –Aaron
“It’s like suspenders, only better.” –Aaron
“This is what Idahonians use in gang fights!” –Aaron
“If it’s lined up with your belly button and the gospel, you’re good.” –Aaron
“You don’t have your Italian dancy pants on...” -Jon