Once Upon A Time...I Wrote a Story on Ricks' Computer

So...at lunch, I stole Rick's computer.

And on 9 different days, I wrote this story.

It's full of inside jokes.

And it's kind of amazing. :)

Once upon a time there was a group of friends.

Then they were invaded by scary creatures, named Sashas.

They were all terrified of these Sashas, so they ran away.

They came upon a beautiful lady on a unicorn.

She was accompanied by a boy named Alec, and pursued by a Merkley.

Then she turned into a scary Drashnock and nommed his face.

So they went to the Drashnock's house and told her mother.

Her mother scolded her and gave away her puppy.

And they all lived happily ever after, the end. :)

Or did they…?

Once upon another time the Sashas attacked again.

They were invading these friends space mercilessly.

Fortunately, the friends had a cloaking device and they hid from the Sashas.

Then the Sashas were sucked into a black hole where their piercing screams would never be heard again. 

The end. 

Or is it…?

Franklin and Cassie's EPIC STORY ABOUT REALLY EPIC STUFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

By this time the Sashas were quite upset about their inability to invade the friends' space.

The friends decided it was time to elect a brilliant leadership duo.

They decided that Franklin and Cassie would be a super amazing option.

So they held an election, and despite their running opponents (Merkley and Josh), they won!

"Huzzah!!" the friends cried.

Cassie and Franklin were merciless on the attack of the Sashas.

And they won.

The end. :)

So….

Where we last left off, Merkley and Josh had just suffered a crushing defeat in the election of 2012.

Their only condolence was the law firm the duo formed.

They called it "Sparkly Markley (and Associates)."

They had originally intended to call the firm "Sparky Merkley (and Associates)."

However, when the name was written down, the handwriting was so illegible that it was changed to "Sparkly Markley" when written on the doors.

So they decided to just leave it.

And that is how Merkley and Josh's law firm became known as "Sparkly Markley (and Associates)."

One day, it was the magnificent ruler Franklin's birthday.

She was serenaded throughout the day by every young man in the friends' kingdom.

The friends were so happy that they threw a gigantic party for their dear ruler.

There were crepes, and waffles, and cookies, and pineapple, and chips, and salsa,

…and cheese, and gummy bears, and all manners of deliciousness.

And they all hailed Franklin!! The end. :D For now…

The friends disbanded their meetings for the Thanksgiving season.

Unfortunately, during this time, the Sashas were plotting something dastardly.

They teamed up with the Drashnock to nom all the friends faces.

With the friends separated, they couldn't fight the Sashas.

Merkley was the first to be captured, followed by Josh.

The rest of the friends knew they must band together to prevent any more imprisonment.

To be continued...

Where we last left off, the friends were being terrorized by the Sashas.

With Josh and Merkley captured, Sparkly Markley (and Associates) wasn't doing so well.

Fortunately, the Great Taryn stepped up to save the day.

Through her expertise planning and execution, she saved the firm from going under.

Meanwhile, the rest of the friends were planning their next move to combat the Sashas.

The contents of this meeting shall soon be disclosed…

In the meeting of the friends:

Cassie: Friends, we are gathered here today to discuss the distraction of our most heinous enemies--the Sashas.

Franklin: So…what should we do?

Oliphant: I have a proposal!

Cassie: Oliphant, nobody cares what you think!

Drashnock: I think we should nom their faces.

Franklin: Drashnock, what are you doing here?!

Drashnock: The Sashas are boring, I came to nom.

Cassie: Okay….

Ricks: I have an idea.

Franklin: Go on.

Ricks: Let's confuse them.

Cassie: What do you mean?

Ricks: Well, it's a simple matter of coming up with a math conundrum confusing enough to stop them in their tracks. We all know math is their weakness.

Taryn: That's brilliant, Ricks!

Franklin: Now…what is a good math conundrum?

Cassie: I think I may have one…

Taryn: Yes?

Cassie: e^iπ 

Ricks: What?

Cassie: It equals -1.

All: Ingenius! Huzzah! Let's go defeat the Sashas.

(Battle scene coming soon.)

The battle arrived and the friends were prepared.

They confronted the Sashas in their most dastardly evil lair. 

The Sashas tried to fight, but they were no match for the friends' excellent math equation.

As soon as the friends' whipped out their secret equation weapon, the Sashas went into a coma of confusion, never to return to their devious ways.

Thus was all of the friends' land returned to normal. 

Sparkly Markley (and Associates) thrived once again (and delivered victory crepes to all the friends').

Cassie and Franklin continued their rule in justness and were beloved by all.

And…they lived happily ever after…for the duration of their high school years. 

THE MOST ENDIEST OF ENDS! 

Sure, why not?

(A Story I wrote in 5th grade)

        One day I was home alone doing my nails and watching T.V. when a bunch of girl pirates came in and said they were going to take me back to their ship. 

        I asked, “Can I just pack a few things first?”

        They said o.k. because they knew that girls need stuff to survive.  So I went into my room and I packed all my stuff.  Surprisingly enough I fit it all in only 16 suitcases!  Then I went out with my suitcases and said, “Let’s go.”

        We went back to their ship and wow!  Their captain may have been a girl but she was tough!

        “Scrub the deck, Matey!” she barked.

        So I scrubbed the deck because I didn’t want to get in trouble with her.

        “Oh no!  I broke my fingernail,” I cried. 

        “Oh shut up!” yelled Kendal, one of the crew members.

        “I’m hungry,” I complained.

        “Be quiet or else you’ll walk the plank!” ordered Brandi, another pirate.

        So I scrubbed quietly for a while, at least until I couldn’t take it any longer.

        “I’m sooo bored.  Are we there yet?” I yelled.

        “Alright missy, you’re walkin’ the plank,” Captain Elise hollered!

        Oh no!  What had I gotten myself into? 

        So there I was on the plank walking very slowly. Walking . . . walking . . . and all of the sudden . . .

PLOP!

           I

                           dropped

                                                                            into

                                                                                    the

                                                                                           water.

        When I came up I saw the pirates throwing my luggage off the ship.  Obviously they never wanted to be reminded of me ever again. 

        I swam over to my luggage.  Luckily I had waterproof luggage.  Everyone had laughed at me when I paid an extra twenty dollars to get it waterproofed but now it had paid off.

        I saw some land and decided to swim to it.  I only had enough strength to take one suitcase so I grabbed the one I knew I had put my cell phone in and started swimming.

        I swam towards the land and when I got there I collapsed and lay there until I recovered.  Then I got up and I looked around.  It was an island and it was beautiful.  As I looked around I saw a bunch of palm trees, a rock that looked like a skull, a treasure chest, a monkey, . . . Wait!  Go back . . . a treasure chest?  Sweet!  I opened it.  Awesome!  There were a ton of jewels!

        I took my cell phone out of my suitcase.  I went on the internet and found a website for global positioning and found out where I was.  Then I called my dad, told him my location and had him send his personal helicopter to get me.  After I hung up, I called my mom and told her I was O.K. and that I loved her.

        Just as I saw the helicopter coming, I also saw the pirates’ ship.  I guess they had realized that they had left their treasure on this island so I had to hurry.  I grabbed my suitcase and noticed that my other ones had washed ashore.  The helicopter landed and my dad jumped out.  I told him to grab the treasure chest and put it in the helicopter. 

        We both gathered up my luggage and threw everything in the helicopter.  We jumped in and took off. 

        Once we were in the air, the pirates started shooting cannon balls at us.  Luckily, none of them could hit us because we had a very good pilot.  After we escaped from the pirates, they discovered their treasure was gone!

        The pirates went home treasure-less.  And of course, I lived happily ever after because I was rich and now I had a ton of jewels and what kind of story would this be if I didn’t live very happily ever after?!

THE END

The Life of A Cat

Another paper I wrote for English
(I've written 4 so far...in the first 3 weeks of school)
This one's based on my cat.
Soooo...enjoy.
Or don't.
I don't really care.

The cat begins her morning on the hunt for food. If she were in the wild, she would truly hunt it down. However, in her current environment, the only food she receives is the food she begs for. Normally, this regal creature would never stoop as low as to beg, but she has learned, that to survive, there is no other way. So she swallows her pride, and meows.
After her filling meal, she seeks a safe haven for her morning nap. Her most frequent habitat is the high bed with the fluffy surface and the great view out the window. When this haunt is unavailable, she spends her morning in the moving seat downstairs overlooking the back yard. During the morning and early afternoon, she spends her time sleeping or bird-watching.
At times, she is surprised as she is discovered and rudely awoken. The feeders (as she thinks of the humans who live in her domain) disturb her routine to “play” with her. At times such as these, this magnificent creature has two options: fight, or play along. She is reminded of her days as a kitten, on the streets. When she thinks of those times, she is tolerant of the feeder’s quirks and she is playful.
As the day passes, lunchtime nears. She seeks out one of the feeders, and does all in her power to receive the food. She will even become cozy in order to obtain her nourishment. Although it seems like the cat might be an impersonal beast, on certain days, when she’s in a good mood, she will encourage the feeders to pet her, purring in pleasure.
The rest of the evening consists of another feeding time, more relaxing lounges, and as the evening draws to a close, treats. If she is ignored, she will continue to persist until she is given what she deems “rightfully hers.” Even after the feeders go to bed, the cat is on the prowl for creatures invading her area. If there is another cat in her territory, she will defeat it. And when the night is over, her day begins anew.

The Stranger

So...last night I had to write a paper for English.
And I didn't want to, but I did.
So I whipped this off in about 15 minutes.
And...enjoy. Or don't. :)

I see you all the time, and yet I don’t know you at all. You’re there, on the bus, on the way to the city. You’re there at the store when I make an emergency trip after realizing I don’t have enough eggs to make my cookies. You’re right there, right in front of me in the park, on my weekend walks with my dog. You’re near, and I feel like I know you, though we’ve never spoken.
Do you remember the time, at the bus stop? I was running late and almost missed it. Did you watch me, from your seat, like I watched you as I walked down the aisle? I wonder, if you were observing me, until I set my eyes on you and you looked away. And when I sat behind you, did you think about turning around, and introducing yourself? Did you know that as I stared at the back of your head, I was debating with myself whether or not to say hello. If I had, would we be friends now, or would we still just be strangers?
That one day, I could tell you were having a bad one. On the day when you seemed to have forgotten your umbrella and it started to rain. I had mine, and maybe, if we knew each other, I would have shared. Instead I averted my gaze and moved on, ignoring your unpleasant wetness. I had places to go; I didn’t have time to help you, a stranger to me.
I remember when I caught your eye, across the room at a New Year’s Eve party. We each quickly looked away. I wonder, though, what if we’d held it. What if we just spent the night staring into each other’s eyes? What if you or I had walked over, and introduced ourselves? Would we have found a parallel in our interests, and spent the night discussing it at great lengths? Or would the conversation have fizzled and become awkward? All my what-ifs could have been answered if only one of us were brave enough to approach.
Only yesterday, I saw you on the street. We drew closer and closer and I felt my heart pounding in anticipation. Could this finally be it? Would we finally meet and be introduced? I opened my mouth to talk to you, and you were gone. Where did you go? Did you not wonder the same things as I wonder now? Who is that stranger? Or am I just some other person on the street? Do you count up the meetings we have as I’ve grown accustomed to, or do you not even notice me?
Okay, I’ve made up my mind. The next time we meet, be it tomorrow or years from now, I’ll introduce myself. I’ll stop asking myself what-ifs, and just take a chance. The mystery of your presence will be solved and my curiosity quenched. I’ll see you around, stranger.

This girl I know...

This girl in my chemistry class is kind of crazy.
But she's also amazing. :)
So sometimes I read her blog.
It's a story blog.
And she wrote an Epic Story.
It was kind of epic. :D

While We're Posting Poems...

This is a poem I wrote this year.
Well...actually last year.
As in October.
This school year, last calendar year. :)
And I'm rambling. :P

Here you go:

While You Were Away
A Poem Inspired by Chemistry…Class
By: Cassie Johnson

While you were away,
Clark lost his pants, Sabrina lost hers too.
Beth had a “crush” and Cassie disapproved.
While you were away.

While you were away,
We got new nicknames too;
Beth is now called Veni, Cassie’s now a Scrooge.
While you were away.

While you were away,
Maddie really bloomed.
Sassy flowers, as you may know, are sometimes rather rude.
While you were away.

While you were away,
We learned in Algebra 2.
Talking all the time, as we learned just what to do.
While you were away.

While you were away,
We decided Josh should be Peter.
And Aaron roasted some spam over Miss Ugaki’s heater.
While you were away.

But most importantly,
Each and every day,
We all missed you so very much,
While you were away.

Ahh, More 8th Grade Memories

Here is a poem my friend and I wrote in 8th grade.
We were...bored.

Ode to Schwa

O Schwa, what art thou?

A letter of the alphabet,

A tiny little actorlet,

Or just one word: wow.

Hair that's brown with a touch of sun,

Aha! We've only just begun.

A glint of ocean in your eyes,

We see greatness despite your size.

An average sevie, you are not

Amazing skills, you have a lot;

Working a spotlight twice your size

You sing one good "Why Me" reprise.

The pack on thy back is gray, white, and black

And you don't really mind a hug attack.

Your brilliance proves you are well educated,

And you definitely aren’t overrated…

You are ever so good at drama-

More intense than a domestic llama.

And since we don’t speak Ralik or Illyrian,

We will now slip into Old Shakespearean…

Shall I compare thee to a triangular hypotenuse? Nay!

For such thing beith the longest of its kind, whereas thee beith the shortest.

And shall I end with ‘Farewell?’ Nay! For to end in such a way is ridiculous,

But to end with discombobulation is to ponder upon.

Being said, I end with two words:

Adieu, and UNCOINCIDENTIALLY!

Exit stage right and don’t forget to breathe,

~Unknown & Anonymous,

With some help from Unidentified, Nameless and Faceless.

P.S-

Though to pester and tease thee is thrilling,

To leave thee alone we are willing.

Forgive us that we’ve caused such humiliation,

Please don’t give this letter a misinterpretation.

The end. :)

"Thomas Trigger" from 8th Grade

In 8th grade, I wrote a story for English.
And that story was about the evils of Twilight.
(It was a tall tale, so kind of odd.)
And without much further ado, I give you:
Thomas Trigger and the Evils of Twilight

One fine, fine day, Taryn Trigger was a’goin’ to the store to get the basic necessities of life (ya know? Duct tape, Sharpies, Gum, and Sticky notes). Anyway, she went to Walmart, which can be counted on for any material. While she was there, she heard a loud scream, “Omigosh! Edward Cullen!!!”
She looked around to see where it had come from. In her house, that name was forbidden and anyone who said it was to be slapped repeatedly until they came to their senses.
She looked to her left and saw a mob of teenage girls. Uh oh, she thought, better get out of here, they can be dangerous.
But she wasn’t quick enough and they trampled her, and she was killed. Later, during the investigation, the police discovered that she had been standing right in front of a display of Twilight books. Her family was furious, but there was nothing the state could do. It was an accidental death, and life went on.
Six months later, her brother arrived home from a two year trip to Africa. He had heard nothing about the accident and was hoping to see his sister. He loved her very dearly and hoped that nothing would ever happen to her. He didn’t know what he would do without her.
He arrived and went straight to his house. When he got there, he asked, “Where’s Taryn?” His mother and father looked at him and told him that he might want to sit down.
They told him all about the accident: the girls, the book, the death. When they finished, he began to cry. Not dignified tears that slide down your face, but big gross sobs that make your face turn all red and splotchy.
He took an oath that day, to track down every single teenage girl and turn them against Twilight. They would pay for what they did to his sister.
Taryn’s brother (I cannot disclose to you his name at this time, for it would take away from the dramatic plot at a later time in the story) started each day at 6 a.m. and came home to sleep at 11 p.m. He used that time to track down all the Twilight books he could and he’d bring them home every night.
Finally, when he was sure that he had found every last Twilight book, he rented an hour of cable television on all the most popular television stations for one night around 6 p.m.
That night, he went on national television and burned his huge stack of Twilight books (over 2 billion).
The outrage was enormous. Every girl in the US (well, all the dumb ones) cried that night. They were all horrified at what he had done, but he wasn’t satisfied. He wouldn’t be satisfied until he had convinced every last person of the evils of Twilight.
He knew this would have to be extreme. Now, let me explain. He was a pretty big guy. He was about six feet tall, buffer than a two-hundred pound farmer and had a temper worse than an angry bull. This was one guy you didn’t want to mess with.
So he went all around the world, slapping—that’s right, I said slapping (with a Bible)—all the teenage girls obsessed with Twilight. He would not stop until he had turned every single one against the book. In fact, he slapped so hard, I wouldn’t be surprised if no one ever wrote or read a single book about vampires ever again. The idea was forgotten and despised.
He was sure that he had gotten every last one, and then he met a girl. A girl named Molly Sue. She was the prettiest girl he had ever seen. When he saw her, his eyes nearly popped outta his head.
She was five foot eight with long blond hair and bright blue eyes. She had the sweetest Texan accent you’ve ever heard. She pronounced all her “I’s” extra elongated and said “y’all” in the prettiest way.
So, he decided to settle down and raise a family, and they were never plagued by that evil book again.
And they all lived happily ever after (aside from the fact that twenty years later, the earth exploded and they all DIED.)

The End

(Oh, and by the way, his name was Thomas, if you didn’t guess from the title.)

Really The End (I mean it.)